Unless you’ve been living in a cave with no wifi (because I feel most caves are pretty modern nowadays and offer the basic wifi) then you are aware that Adele, the Queen of England herself, has dropped a new single. When I say ‘dropped’ do I seem cool and hip and with it? I see you shaking your head yes so I will continue to use the term despite the loud vocal and physical protest from my brother. It’s been decades since Adele released a song. DECADES. Well, it’s felt like decades.
When I first heard “Hello” I did what we all did, which was scream non stop for 5 minutes with tears streaming down our face smudging our eyeliner (I don’t wear eye liner is just appeared) while converting all the photos in our phone to sepia tone. After my initial scream/sob fest I watched the music video about 11ish times, this time with minimal screaming.
I love Adele. Her voice, her writing, her character, her ability to make me feel emotions I didn’t know I had. I love it all. BUT I do have questions, like…
5. Do you know who Lionel Richie is?
Do you know him? He’s a musician. He was a member of The Commodores? I may or may not own a tank to depicting literally just his face that I got at his concert? Maybe? You know what? It’s not that big of a deal. Next time, before you release a song just Google “Top Songs of All Time in the History of Mankind” so we can skip the song title confusion.
Also, can someone out there do a remix of both these songs? Cool. Thanks.
4. Do you do your own eye liner?
This question is specific to “Hello”, but it’s one that I’ve been meaning to ask you for the past 6 or so years. Like, it is seriously on point every time I see (stalk) you.
3. Where are you in California that you need a faux fur coat and scarf?
Wait. Is that a phone booth in the background? Just Googled it and the correct term is apparently “telephone box”. So, is that a telephone box in the background? Are you even in California? Is everything a lie?!
2. What year do you think it is?/What year does your video director think it is?
It’s 2015 this shouldn’t be happening. Was it a budget thing? I just really feel getting smart phone from literally any cell phone maker for free would be a breeze for you because you’re freaking Adele. Wait. Is it still 2005 in England? How do time zones work? Is Destiny’s Child still together? What season of Survivor are you on? ANSWER ME.
1. Are you a professional basketball player?
Because you are playing games with my heart. Listening to ‘Hello’ make me miss my ex. Did I mention I don’t have an ex? Do you get that? Your music is making me create a fictional life in which I broke some one’s heart. The only other person who has this power over me is Celine Dion, the Prime Minister of Canada (and maybe my patron Saint).