It’s officially December and you know what that means, don’t you? That’s right, the woman in the cubicle next to you will put up her Christmas decorations and the radio will start playing non-stop Christmas music. I may or may not be that woman in the cubicle next to you. I love Christmas music. It’s catchy, meaningful, and brings warmness into my cold heart. Here I list my reactions while listening to the classic “Baby It’s Cold Outside.”

Ah, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”. A holiday favorite, especially if you sell sweaters. If you’ve never heard the song (I’m assuming you live in a cave with no wifi) or have forgotten how it goes, here’s the song being sung by Doris Day and Bing Crosby.

Catchy, right? But have you ever really listened to it? Here are 5 thoughts I have while listening to this supposedly holiday classic.

5. If it’s really that cold was going out really a good idea?

I’m all for having a good time, but if the weather is bad enough they named a song after it maybe going out wasn’t the best idea. Why did you drop by in the first place? Was there a party? Did he invite you to Radio & Chill and then upon entering his home you realized he didn’t have a radio? All I know is when it’s below 60 degrees I don’t leave my home. Which may be the reason why I haven’t been able to hold down a job.

4. Wow, this guy is super pushy

Whoa there, buddy. You need to back off. And Nancy, that’s what I named her, you don’t need to give him an excuse, you can just say no and leave. You are a strong, somewhat independent (because it’s American in the 50’s and you legally couldn’t be independent as a woman then) woman. I believe in you. Stand your ground, say no, and leave.

3. Uh, actually, I DO mind if you move in closer

Whoa, whoa, whoa. First you don’t let her leave your home and now you’re asking her if she’s minds if you move in closer? No means no, buddy. I’ve seen enough Law and Order SVU openings to know where this is going.

2. WHAT DID YOU PUT IN HER DRINK?!

Where’s Olivia Benson?! HOW IS THIS A CHRISTMAS SONG?!

1. OH MY GOODNESS, PLEASE JUST LET HER GO HOME

Please, for the love of Celine Dion just let her go.

dick wolf