Jet lag, am I right?

When I was younger I could travel on a plane for 14 hours and be ready to do anything when I landed. But now, at the spinster age of 27 (according to my family), four hours on a plane and I am out for the next 24 hours at least.

Jet lag comes in many forms. Some experience extreme tiredness. Others experience weird sleeping patterns. For me, I experience sinus headaches and nausea. Over my many plane trips I’ve learned a thing, or two…or five about curing jet lag.

Here are a handful of tips I personally use to help me cure my jet lag. I hope they’ll help you too.

Work Out

Wait. Sorry. Typed that wrong. Think about working out, then don’t, and instead drink a lot of coffee. This way you’ll be wide awake and alert for the next horrible 24 jet lagged hours.

Cure Your Jet Lag

Don’t Sleep

Stay up for as long as you can, then stay up 8 hours longer. Stay awake until the lack of sleep causes you to have an emotional breakdown that sends you spiraling into a dark abyss. Then and only then can you take a nap.

Cure Your Jet Lag

Treat Yo Self

You just spent hours in a flying tin can, you’ve defied the laws of man, and deserve a reward. But what if you don’t make it home til the middle of the night and everything is closed? You know what’s never closed? The internet. Oh, you don’t want to buy anything? Then eat whatever you want. Go to Walmart and buy every treat from you childhood that you never let your adult self enjoy. Drink Mountain Dew as you play Mario Cart. Whatever you decide to do or buy, you deserve it.

treat-yo-self

(Please don’t commit a felony)

Take an 8 hour nap

After overdosing on coffee and junk food, take an eight hour nap. You really won’t have a choice, because the combination of caffeine, carbs, and the whole flying thing will make you crash whether you like it or not. If you call it a nap before you take it then no matter how long it is it’s consider a nap. Scientists at NASA say sleeping cures everything. They also say, “you really need to stop calling us and stop making stuff up.”

Cure Your Jet Lag

(Please don’t commit a felony)

Complain and wail loudly until your significant other (or mom) takes care of you like the infant you are

I find that a mixture of groaning, sighing, and closing your eyes randomly throughout the day works best. Combine that with words describing how you can’t call off work because you need to work to support the family. Oh, and maybe a little  “sometimes we need to put aside our dreams for the greater good.” Yeah, you’ll be golden. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. It doesn’t matter if what you contribute to your family by no means makes a difference. If you add in a sigh and a groan everyone will feel pity for you.  Whether or not that pity is because you have jet lag and have to work the next day, or because they see a full grown adult reverting back to being a child and throwing a tantrum is another issue. Oh, and if you can cry a bit, perfect.

FANTINE

Follow these tips and you’ll be over your jet lag in 5-15 days. 25 max!